Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I watch Taylor not being afraid in this life. On the other hand, I am a worry wart; I tend to buy trouble. Last week I obsessed over the fact Taylor still cannot count to ten without leaving out a few numbers. How much he couldn't do gripped me at times---so I went into denial mode to avoid feeling the pain. (See how this works?) I have a secret fear that I will not be enough---do enough, know enough, give enough, provide enough for my son. I just don't feel like I'm very good at this job. How in the heck do you raise a handicapped son anyway? Where does this road lead? What's ahead? Will I be able to handle it all?
Readers and friends, I know that you have some of those exact same questions. You have those questions about whatever it is that life has put in front of you. It's not just me. Insert your own situation with your particular issues into the blank. We've all got them. Right? Are you with me? Gandhi reminded us that we each one needs to be the change we want to see in this world. But how can we be that incredible change if we don't live full out? And yet, I know I cling like crazy to things not changing. I admit that I sometimes wait for that other shoe to fall. (Look at me being all brave here and sharing all of this. Will you share back with me? )
I hear some wake up calls nudging me in my life.
"Get up, Wake up. Be aware."
That's what I'm hearing.
My pajama bottoms don't fit right.
Time for changes. I am going to furlough--un-employ Denial.
And, I'm going to go count how many shoes I have.
I'm sure I have enough---more than enough.
Reality check. Wake up. Maybe I don't need to know all of the answers.