Saturday, March 3, 2012

Songs of Wailing and Thanksgiving

Last night I heard from a doctor who knows Taylor and whom I really trust.  He does not like the idea of Taylor having a full fusion.   As he and I were talking (on a Friday evening; his office had long since closed, he had family he needed to be with and yet he was talking to me...), I was thrown into a sort of despair.  

  I woke up this morning wailing.  I mean it.  Crying out for help.
I could have written the book of Lamentations: 
It is called in the Hebrew canon 'Eikhah, meaning "How,"
 being the formula for the commencement of a song of wailing.
I felt lost, abandoned, without guidance.
That still, strong voice inside of me spoke, "Do not even put on your bra.  DO comb your hair. Go in your pajamas.  Maybe wear a thicker shirt.   But go to your neighbors, Jane and Jim.   There you will find what you seek."
So I did.  With my coffee cup, wearing Taylor's Crocs, and looking like a pitiful homeless woman, I crossed the yards to Jane and Jim's back door.  I could see them through their bay window, sitting at the table.  They were having their morning devotional.

In I walked..taking my puddle-of-a-self with me. 
Jane was reading from Psalms Now.
She read one Psalm after another out loud.
Cell-by-cell, pore-by-pore, tissue-by-tissue, muscle-by-muscle, every part of me began to relax.
We held hands and talked/prayed in ways that were meaningful to each of us---each having our own concerns and confusions. 
We laughed loudly a lot! 
I was irreverent and sacrilegious---profane and holy.
It was really neat. 
I sang a song of Thanksgiving.  That's pretty darn cool, let me tell you.
I have my bra on now.  
Uplifted in every way.  (Oh corny can I get????)
Another day on this journey .....towards wholeness.  
So hard.  So interesting.  
So full of wailing AND thanksgiving.

1 comment:

  1. I just had a chance to catch up.

    I am crying and laughing and praying and praising.

    You are a rockstar. I love your honesty in sharing this hard and terrifying journey.

    You are not alone. BIG TIME prayers coming your way.

    May you be carried when you cannot keep walking.

    Love, Kim


Thank you so much for your comments. I know it's scary to put yourself out there. I really appreciate your being on this journey with me. You really are brave..