Monday, February 8, 2010


I bought these subliminal therapy "self-improvement" tapes a couple of years ago. These Beta/Theta/Alpha brainwave messages were geared towards weight loss and improving self esteem. My dog, Murphy, was always next to me as I lay there soaking in those profoundly wordless, "I See My Body Thin" and "I Am Capable" unspoken mantras. Within two weeks Murphy had lost 8 pounds and had enrolled himself in Dogs Can Do It! I, on the other hand, gained 3 pounds and still felt like sh**.
Although I am a big fan of arguing with the end of the day, I have a deep belief that he knew what he was doing when Taylor was assigned to me in this life. I think he was put in my life, not so much for him....but for me. Evidently, my very own soul has some major healing that needed/needs to happen. Va-Voom! Planted. Born. Alive. Here was an imperfect, oft-rejected, divine little soul--right at my elbow. But, holy cow, I was too afraid to see it. (True confessions: I am a big scaredy cat. I hate to dig deep inside of myself and see what's really there.)
My sister told me today on the phone that, "What we judge in others is a disowned part of ourselves." I hate it when she reminds me of stuff like that. If we do not have compassion for all traits in ourselves, how can we ever accept them in another person for heaven's sake?
So here's what I've disowned in Taylor that I must really be afraid of in myself:
1. Not being smart----fear of being stupid 2. Not being included/invited--being rejected (Enough said.) 3. Not living up to expectations...I am not enough. Oh now, please don't you go and stop reading and think that this is just psycho-babble. It might be, but I also think I'm on to something. Hear me out. Don't gag. I'm almost through.
I ask you, my friend and fellow travelers: What traits do you see in retarded people/handicapped people (or any people)that you are afraid to own in your very own self?
Gulp. Help. Oh, I hate this entry. I wish she'd stick to fun stuff. I'm trying to. Heck, I'm getting ready to go watch Beauty and the Beast for the 100,000th time. That's fun. I just thought of this, no kidding: What happened to the beast when he gave and received love? What if you/I loved the "beasts" inside of our very own selves? OMG...Sing with me now from our other movie today..."I've Got Chills; They're Multiplying!" Love the beast in you. Love the beast in others. Tall order. You may now begin this test.