Sunday, February 14, 2010

Shut Up. Don't Say It.

There are four words that, when Taylor hears anywhere, he adamantly admonishes, "Don't Say It!" Here are the trigger words: Shut up, Stupid, Penis, Bosom.
If you stick with me long enough, I promise you I'm going to write about stupid, penis and bosom. Today, you'll have to settle for: "Shut Up. Don't Say It."
It should not take a "retarded" person to have to remind the rest of us folks that it's not polite/nice/loving to tell each other to, "Shut Up." Actually, those words are so offensive to me when spoken out loud that I just cringe when I hear them coming out of anybody's mouth. Of course, mostly said in anger or with the defensive tone, they just totally dismiss and shame the 'hear-er.' It's like: You are not even worthy of my noticing that you are here with me. Just mean words. Hateful words. Dismissive and rude words. And Taylor knows it.
I guess you've caught on to me by now and can see that I'll try to lead you down this other path--inward...outward. It's the second part of Taylor's response that is really the most crucial. "Don't say it." My older son has reminded me often when I've made remarks, "Mom, you can't un-ring a bell." No indeedy---we cannot take back words. They resonate in our heads, our psyches, our hearts for years and years. OK, let's do an experiment right this minute. Think of one thing that somebody in your life has said to you that made you feel like just awful about yourself. You may need to go back to when you were 4-5. It may be something that your husband/wife/sister/brother said in jest. More than likely it's something your mother or father said to you years ago that plays over and over again in your adult brain.
I am here to ask you....what if those hurtful words had not ever been spoken? What if we (yes, me and you since we're the only ones here right now) had not made those words define who we were/are? What if we had not let them mean something bad about us? Holy Toledo!! We would have so much more love for ourselves. That would be a good thing.
Dr. Phil told a parent on his show yesterday, that "It takes 10 atta-boy’s to erase one negative comment." At least ten would be my guess. I am pretty good about being kind to children, but I lose total custody of my tongue when I talk about some adults. I am here to ask you, "Does that count too? Talking "bad" about people?" I'm sunk. Are you? OK, just for today, Let's do a Jenny Craig "diet" of harmful words to others. Shut Up. Don't Say It. Oh Lord, I know I'm going to cheat on this diet too. Darn. How about you?