I found myself using those words as a mantra for the next two weeks as we headed towards yet another spinal surgery for Taylor. Go with God. Vaya Con Dios. Going. Trusting. Fearful. Tearful. Worried. Hopeful. Thankful. So afraid. But, Vaya-ing with Dios.
I've come to realize (again) how much easier it is to be thankful when things are going well. When we have all that we need and when we feel like our prayers are being answered.....gosh, those times of saying, "Thank you," just roll off of our tongues and out of our hearts. It's when the big stuff that trips up our lives happens that makes us choke and emotionally sputter and stutter---and lose hope.
Taylor's anterior cervical discectomy was a "success" according to the surgeon. Poor fellow (the surgeon I mean). He came out to give his report after four hours of surgery to find me in quite a state. He was smiling, so I knew things must have gone well. I hugged him and told him that I insisted on paying him for his services (my weird sense of humor). Dr. Riley reported that Taylor's neck was now stable and that he should be experiencing less and less pain (Taylor I mean.)
I can sing the "Hallelujah Chorus" from start to finish. I think I may have done that as my own sort of internal background music. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hallelujah.
We are home. Taylor is back in a neck brace for 3 months. He is smiling. The light has returned to his eyes. His sense of humor is back. There is hope....again.
Taylor went with God the whole journey.
It is me....It is I....who keeps getting off track and falling into the ditches along the way.
"Vaya con Dios," she blessed....and "benedicted" and said on that early morn.
And we did.
And we shall.
