Tuesday, February 28, 2012

MRI....Step # 962 up this Mountain

I was sitting in the pre-op room at the hospital today with Taylor as we waited for his MRI with sedation.  That's not an accurate term as it turns out; it should be called an MRI, done in an operating room, with a full "knock-out".   For an MRI!!!  Whew.
I really sat there wondering about my life and how come it was that I couldn't just be at Macy's trying on wide-width shoes.  Is that asking too much?
 BUT!  It's done.  And the CD has been over-nighted to the neurosurgeon in Chicago. 
So, we are one step closer to knowing something.....anything. 
I  am ice-picking my way up a slippery slope.
 The foot holds are not clearly marked.
I'm not sure where to grip to keep from falling.

While Taylor was "under"and being intubated (now THAT will hold a mother's heart hostage),  I looked over at his little bag of "what he came in here with".    Little  gray sweat pants, boy-size socks, a small man's white t-shirt...and that darn ubiquitous neck brace.
Uh-oh---there came the tears. 
How do I care for this man/child?
When will we figure this out?
I had my 7 minutes of falling apart---and then I saw some women who should have been on
 "What Not to Wear".   I stopped crying and gave into being judgmental.  It was such a relief.
I sat in that waiting room, doing mini-make-overs for them in my mind.
I wonder if they were silently praying for this weeping woman holding the neck brace.
Isn't life just so layered and complex?
Please pray for foot-holds and hand-holds that are within reach--even if it's a stretch.