Saturday, May 26, 2012

Guest Blogger

Oh lordy me.  Where am I???  I don't even know what day it is.  I  know we're in Chicago because I can see the Sears Tower.  We're definitely in ICU because, well.....just look at the picture.
Eleven days here.  I never thought we would STILL be in ICU.  Imagine that.
     Yesterday I was so upset because Taylor's nurse told me that every time I went into the room that Taylor's blood pressure went up.   It is true.   When he saw my face, he would fiercely try to talk through his trach and tell on the nurses for the shots and the blood-drawings and the caths and the restraints.  He SO wanted me to help him; he became agitated and desperate.  It was awful to watch.  I felt completely helpless and defeated.
  But, because I was the one face that stirred him up, the nurse  asked that I not go into his room for most of the day.  I fell apart.  What???  Who would take care of him if not me?? 
     Remember in those old-timey movies when a woman gets hysterical and somebody slaps her---in an effort to "bring her to her senses"?  (I think in the year 2012 they might even call this b***ch slapping if I know my common street vernacular.)  WELL,  my sister basically did this to me.  And then she said, "You should blog about how this makes you feel." 
My immediate response, "NO!  Martha,  YOU need to be my guest blogger.  I am too upset!  They have fired me from being his mother.  I have never been fired before from anything, so if you think I should talk about this, then you will have to do it."
   That was yesterday and this is now today.  
What I am learning:   I knew that Taylor would be going through drastic changes this week.   I had not prepared myself for my own need to grow, expand and learn---about myself---not about him. 
Wow, this balancing act of being a mama, a woman, a professional person, a sister, a friend---someone who has got a life of her own ---all of it---straight up learning curve these days. 
     I'm glad they kicked me out of the room.  I'm thankful that  my sister forced me to unclinch my white care-giving knuckles.   I have a lot of healing to do myself.   Anybody want to get in that line with me?


  1. I googled you to see the latest news on Taylor and the first thing that came up was your blog from April 6, 1987. That date stands out to me, too. I will comment on that blog to explain.

    We're all thinking about you, cheering for you, praying for you. Much love.

  2. This day/holiday weekend is all about honoring people in the armed services (like our fathers and your nephews) and their sacrifices and bravery. I'm making an executive decision for today also to be about mothers like you. Although I'm not a parent, it's clear to me that raising children is a lot like war at times, particularly if a child is wounded. It hurt my heart to read about Taylor's agitation and you staying out of the room. But your comment about learning more about yourself in this situation is so you: brave and fierce and funny. I wish someone had been there to kick me out of caring for my mom when it got to be too much... and as for the b****-slap, I should have done some of that myself. Hang in, M'anne. Love and hope, anndy

  3. You have wonderful sisters who give good advice. The pressure has been intense on you so unclench those fists for awhile. You will be on duty soon.
    Love ya.

    Bev in Athens

  4. So glad you can write/vent/make us laugh/let us cry with you. Keep writing Mary--it is your best hard times coping mechanism and it blesses all of us who are standing with you. So glad Martha and Deanie are/were there. You deserve your nervous breakdown, but...hold on a little longer. Praying for you as I go to sleep tonight, hoping you are resting as well. LOVE, Liz


Thank you so much for your comments. I know it's scary to put yourself out there. I really appreciate your being on this journey with me. You really are brave..